


(got a thing) about you

by bunjunnie (DRIPPINJUN)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, First Dates, Friends to Lovers, Light Angst, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Online Dating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:34:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27337243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DRIPPINJUN/pseuds/bunjunnie
Summary: nomin try to put renjun on tinder. they accidentally end up waxing poetic over said friend.orrenjun thinks it’s a great idea to delegate his dating life to his best friends and does not expect it to turn out the way that it does.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Comments: 14
Kudos: 201
Collections: '00 FIC FEST ROUND TWO





	(got a thing) about you

**Author's Note:**

> #00025
> 
> thank you so much to the prompter for this idea - i hope i did it justice !! and thank you to the sweetest and most helpful beta i could ever have asked for.

it was nights like these that made renjun feel like he finally knew what his place in the world was. when his feet were kicked up on the worn out leather of his couch, the records playing were tainted with delirium and the double measures that he had been knocking back for hours were finally starting to make their way into his system; a hazy glow coating him from the inside out. 

“i’ve decided that i’m going to be single forever,” he rolled his neck to the side, glancing over to where jeno was slumped on the floor, his eyes slightly glazed over as he stared into the middle distance. the younger boy had already been out of it when he had shown up to renjun’s flat. the cheap whisky had been his contribution to their bleak excuse for a party. renjun wasn’t even sure if jeno knew that he had voiced that thought aloud. “feelings are stupid and complicated and only end up getting you fucked over.”

“you’d know lots about that, wouldn’t you, jen?” renjun didn’t even try to look in jaemin’s direction, knowing that if he even considered turning his head again that he would probably throw up. jeno lazily threw up a middle finger and a dry laugh fell from renjun’s lips at the other boy’s expense. this whole ordeal had been jaemin’s idea; he had shown up four hours ago with his battered records clutched in his arms. that was why jim morrison was currently dripping from his speakers, crooning as if he had nothing to live for but the lucky little lady who he longed for.

“i don’t think i could cope with being single forever,” renjun’s voice was more stable than he had thought it would be; the dry rasp that usually accompanied his drinking wasn’t yet present. he was sure that it wouldn’t be long until it was. he picked at the stitching on the arm of the couch, already coming loose from all the years of wear that it had suffered through. he hadn’t always revelled in the idea of love, considering it to be more of an ever disappointing fantasy than a truly beautiful thing. it was only when he had arrived at university that he realised being lonely was the worst feeling in the world. and that renjun could not deal with being lonely for his whole life.

jaemin stretched out, finally fitting comfortably into renjun’s line of sight. “you’ve coped with being single for the whole time that i’ve known you,” he pointed out. the way he was laying meant that a small strip of skin was exposed at his stomach and renjun forced himself to look away, not wanting to seem wholly weird. curse his past self for only making friends with attractive boys. “and it doesn’t seem to have done you any harm.” 

the older boy nodded, strands of his hair falling into his eyes from the sudden motion. it didn’t help that spots seemed to dance in his vision. for the fifth time that month he made a pact to himself to never drink again. “that’s because all the single people around these parts are absolute assholes.” 

jeno giggled, the sound completely contrasting the mood that seemed to have flooded every cavity of the room. he mockingly raised his glass, “cheers to that,” and practically folded himself in half in a desperate attempt to get the dregs from the bottom of it down his throat. jeno had been the main reason for the impromptu gathering. his boyfriend, an older boy in the aeronautics department, had broken up with him for apparently no reason whatsoever. “we’ll find you a boyfriend, jun. can’t have you being lonely.” renjun blinked, he hadn’t intended for his confession to lead to that.

as with most gossip, jaemin had found out about jeno’s break up first and then shown up at renjun’s door pleading to be let in without telling him why because he assumed that renjun already knew. their dynamic was practised and repeated, but it comforted renjun to know that both of them were steady presences in his life, so he would never complain about it.

jaemin gave a slight hum of disapproval, “all the single people that we know are awful. injun can’t go out with any of them, i’d literally cry. i guess there must be some who we don’t already know.” the youngest had always been the best at holding his liquor out of the three of them, even now when it seemed like if jeno blinked he would fall asleep, jaemin was completely fine. as if he hadn’t drunk more than the both of them combined. “we’re going to have to sus them out before we let them date you though.” he continued, turning pointedly to face renjun. 

jeno snorted slightly, “so we’re just walking up to strangers now and asking them if they’re single because renjun doesn’t want to be?” his eyes were barely open, half shut as he swayed to a completely different rhythm to the song that was forcing its beat through the speakers now. his glass was still cradled to his chest, despite the fact that there was nothing left in it but despair.

the eldest boy felt the need to interrupt, “i said that i didn’t want to be single forever, not that i want a lover right at this very moment in time.” his voice was slowly descending towards the rough point that it always ended up reaching - he could feel the scratch in his throat developing. the threads that he had been picking at came off in his hand and his eyes drifted to the small puckers in the leather where they should have been. it was a strange state of mind that he was in; like he was watching his actions from an entirely different dimension. 

“of course that’s not the plan,” jaemin completely ignored renjun in favour of rolling his neck, the audible crack making the older boy wince, “we’ll just stick renjun on tinder or something.” the way he said it was so nonchalant, as if it was a completely normal thing to say. it took renjun a moment to process what he had said, but when he finally did it made him whip his head towards jaemin so hard that his vision blurred.

“you are not putting me on tinder, jaemin, jesus, i’m not that desperate.” it felt like the most clarity that had reached him for the whole night. he glared in what he hoped was the right direction, then let his head drop back onto the couch to try and stop it from pounding. he had always hated the idea of dating websites, especially how much of a blow to his pride they seemed like they would be. making a profile just seemed to scream that he was lonely and that nobody in his life wanted him. that was really not the image that he wanted to project.

jaemin blew out an exasperated breath of air, “i know you’ve got some stupid superiority complex over it, but you need to grow up. it’s just a dating app, jun, nobody actually cares. besides, everyone who sees your profile is on it anyway so they can’t judge you for using it.” renjun decided to ignore the logic that jaemin seemed to be projecting, instead choosing to centre himself on the vague annoyance that the younger boy was making him feel. 

jeno made a small, guttural sound, “don’t argue, my head hurts already.” he ran a hand through his hair, tilting his face to the side slightly as he stared at renjun, “besides, you’re really pretty. you’d get tons of matches without even trying.” the older boy ignored the way that his heart seemed to catch from those words, making a noncommittal noise of acknowledgement.

“i don’t really know how to use dating apps, though. like how do you talk to people and stuff? it just seems weird. i’d overthink it. no thank you.” he tried to make sure that his voice sounded firm, so that the other boys would stop pestering him. it wasn’t as if renjun had been going on about wanting a boyfriend, he’d only mentioned it moments ago and their reactions felt a little extreme to him.

“okay, fine,” jaemin drew out the single syllable to make it seem like it lasted a lot longer than it should have. it was only when his sing song voice penetrated the silence that renjun realised the vinyl had reached the end of its side; he sighed to himself as the static of the needle in the grooves began to crackle through the speakers and shifted uneasily to his feet to go and flip it over. he was unsteady on his feet, but it was fine, he probably needed to get himself into a clearer state of mind considering that it was already two in the morning. 

jeno seemed to be fixated on the way that renjun flipped the record over, his fingers spreading to make sure that he didn’t spread dirt into the plastic. “why can’t i find someone who’s like the two of you to date?” the pout on his lips was audible, “like i just want another best friend but one who can be my lover too.” his voice wasn’t sad, just contemplative.

“as if either of us would date you,” jaemin leaned back on his hands with a giggle, “i never really liked domin anyway, he was so uptight about everything.” renjun flipped the needle down and plopped down on the floor next to the two of them, it was like primary school had crept back up on them.

“yeah, jen, he wasn’t right for you. like, don’t get me wrong, he was nice enough but he just didn’t,” renjun made weird shapes with his hands to try and convey his meaning, “mash well with your vibes.” jaemin’s smile was soft as he reached out to stop renjun’s hands from making the weird movements, the older boy felt a small flush of embarrassment creep into his ears but he chose to ignore it, simply dropping his hands.  
jeno hummed softly, “maybe i should be the one going on tinder.”

~

jaemin tugged the door to his room in halls shut, his hair was dripping water from the shower he had clearly bolted from. the droplets rolled across the bare expanse of his skin, catching the light and glimmering slightly; the pure silver sheen contrasting to the golden tint of his skin. renjun tore his eyes away from where he had been watching the light fracture through the water, suddenly hyper aware of the fact that the younger boy was partially nude in front of him. “weren’t you supposed to be on a date?” jaemin quirked an eyebrow at him, the question spilling from his lips with a pointed tone.

renjun focused his attention on the light that was beginning to go out in the kitchen area that had been condensed into one corner of the room. he studied its silent flicker as he mulled over the correct way to express the wreckage of thoughts that were consuming him. “yes,” he had been on a date, but it had been particularly underwhelming. it wasn’t as if anything especially awful had happened, it was just that he had come to the realisation that he would rather be anywhere else than the cheap fairground which had been set up in the train station car park. the minimalist interior of jaemin’s digs were a far cry from the scream of the attractions but the older boy was thankful for that small mercy. “but, to put it bluntly, he was one of the most boring people i’ve ever met. you weren’t kidding when you said all the single people we know are awful.”

his eyes shifted back to jaemin’s, and for a moment he was struck by how they almost seemed to have a honey glaze to them, he made a conscious effort not to look anywhere below the younger boy’s chin - incredibly aware of how awkward he must have seemed. they had known each other for three years and yet renjun still couldn’t get past the simplest of barriers. “i told you not to go out with him, he’s such a tosser, jun. and he isn’t even good looking,” the second sentence seemed almost like an afterthought but renjun became strangely fixated on it, so much so that he almost didn’t hear the follow up to jaemin’s statement, “you keep going for boys who are like miles below you. this is why i said tinder would be good, then me and jen could help you.”

the older boy crossed his arms across his chest, a scoff already on his lips, “what’s that supposed to mean?” his left hip was slightly jutted to the side and the disbelief that coloured his eyes would have been clear to any onlooker. he knew that jaemin would be able to see it: the younger boy seemed to understand the renjun like he had studied his own personal language for years, as if his expressions could easily be translated into an alphabet with infinite emotions and sensations. sometimes it terrified renjun, sometimes it scared him that he was that vulnerable - even to one of the people whom he trusted the most. 

that’s the strange thing about trust. renjun thought of it as being akin to putting poison in a cosmopolitan. the alcohol burns your throat and it’s pleasant at first but then there’s a different burn, one that aches more and more until it consumes you whole. 

“it means that when i said we’d get you a boyfriend i didn’t expect you to do it alone.” his voice was gentle, a soft tinge clouding it. he ran a hand through his hair, combing out the final remaining flecks of water. “look, renjun, i want you to be happy and i know you said that you feel kinda lonely so i understand, okay? i get it. but i really don’t want to watch you go on anymore dates with boys who don’t care about you and don’t want to see past anything but how you look. you’re my best friend and i’m just trying to help you.” jaemin didn’t sound angry or upset, it was more as if realisation had dawned on him. an enlightenment of sorts. 

renjun let out a heavy breath. it wasn’t as if he was obligated to fulfil jaemin’s wishes, but it was clear that the younger boy had been stewing over his thoughts for a while; even if it hadn’t been a conscious decision. and he was right in the fact that all the boys renjun had agreed to go out with had been terrible: demeaning to the point that it was practically unbearable. “fine,” he chewed on his lip, staring at the hole in the rug beneath the younger boy’s feet where the threads had become tangled in another long-forgotten time. “only if jeno does it with you though, i don’t trust you to not give me a dumb energy.”

jaemin blinked at him, a shit eating grin widening across his face as he processed the words; the playful gleam that usually accompanied his schemes flooded into his eyes almost immediately, “jesus, i only had to guilt you for, like, ten seconds, are you serious?” when renjun went to answer he was stopped by jaemin’s hands clapping him on the shoulders, “i’ll get jeno over right now, we’re gonna fucking nail it.”

“why don’t you get dressed first?” renjun mumbled dryly, twisting the sleeves of his dark yellow hoodie around his fists and glaring up at the younger boy; removing any traces of actual annoyance from his eyes.

jaemin patted his cheek lightly before spinning away and crossing the room to his own in two long strides, “you love it, shut up.” renjun spluttered out an indignant retort but was cut off once again by the other boy, “text jeno to get his ass over here and then start downloading tinder, the wifi in here is whack it’s gonna take like an hour.” he ignored the mocking salute that renjun gave in favour of slamming the bathroom door and turning on the most obnoxiously happy music that he could have possibly found. sometimes renjun really struggled to understand why they were friends.

he could hear the shower starting up in the background, the dull hiss of the lukewarm water that was about as powerful as a drip from a tap had been the soundtrack to so many of his first year evenings. he didn’t know how jaemin had managed to live with it for so long. it was an utterly disheartening noise, seeming to reek of despair - like someone was mocking the choices that had brought you up to this point in your life. it wasn’t a very helpful sound for renjun to download tinder to; it made the idea seem even worse than he was sure it already was. nevertheless, he persisted; watching the small wheel gradually fill with colour on the icon as he tucked himself into the corner of jaemin’s couch. 

jeno arrived ten minutes later, banging on the door frantically until renjun finally relented and let him in. there was a bright look in his eyes and his cheeks were flushed with colour, renjun didn’t think that it was exactly a long shot to assume that he had ran here. “so,” jeno drawled, a slight smirk tweaking up the corner of his mouth, “we’re making a tinder, are we?” 

the older boy grumbled, collapsing back into the small pile of cushions that he had been collating, “where was this mocking energy when jaemin suggested the idea?” he opened his phone again to see that the app had finished downloading and shut it down again almost as quickly. it wasn’t that he wanted to delay the process, it was just that he really wasn’t ready for it to begin quite yet.

“renjun, injun, junnie,” jeno started, a slightly exasperated edge creeping into his voice, “i was drunk and had just been broken up with. the mocking energy was six feet under and drowning in ipa. it’s not even that bad of an idea, to be fair, i just never thought i’d see the day.” 

“neither did i,” renjun jumped slightly, unsure as to when jaemin had finished showering. the younger boy flashed a wicked smile at the motion, “did i scare you?”

“fuck off.” the oldest boy spun his phone between his fingers, running his hands other the smooth glass and letting the feeling relax him until it was snatched away from him. he let out a discontented sigh as jeno opened his phone, “remind me why i ever let you put your thumbprint in.”

“in case of emergencies,” the boy grinned at him, the glimmer in his eyes becoming even more prominent as he opened the app. he plonked himself down on the couch beside renjun and selected the ‘create profile’ option before the older boy could even begin his flailing protest. 

jaemin sat on the arm of the couch, peering over jeno’s shoulder, “and this is most certainly an emergency. now, are we going for a cute or a hot angle?”

renjun tried to detach himself from the situation as the two boys scrolled through his camera roll, occasionally stopping on pictures and having a hushed debate about them. renjun had never had any problems with self-confidence, he knew that others found him objectively attractive and he didn’t consider that conceited, but there was something incredibly strange about letting two of the people he knew best pick out photos of him which would make him seem the most appealing. eventually, they settled on a main photo of him from winter the year before; his hair had been a soft brown and the fairy lights behind him created a vague halo above his head. he was staring down the camera, a leather skirt hugging his thighs and a smirk on his lips. he tried not to think too hard about why that had been the chosen image. 

he wasn’t quite sure what the twisting feeling in his gut was when his phone was handed back to him with a promise of help in chatting people up on the app. 

~

jeno pulled his lip between his teeth, chewing on the soft skin as he tilted his phone backwards slightly; trying to decide whether the boy in the tinder profile had photoshopped his main image or not. he didn’t want to land renjun with someone who was insecure enough in their appearance that they would wilfully mislead others. he didn’t even consider it to be a superficial thing, knowing that renjun would care far more about his partner’s personality than anything else - but jeno still didn’t want to let any photoshopped images stray through his careful filter. 

he flicked the profile to the left, still pondering over whether or not the boy was being truly honest but deciding to stay on the safe side by removing him as a potential candidate. it had been two hours since they had made the profile and jeno was still waiting on a match; that was probably more to do with the amount of people that he and jaemin were rejecting on renjun’s behalf than those who were rejecting the older boy. 

the process that the two of them had decided on was simple: only the cream of the crop would do. apparently that method elicited very few potential partners, but jeno was willing to wait. it wasn’t about finding renjun a boyfriend - he was perfectly good at doing that for himself. it was about finding someone who would treat him properly. someone who would appreciate his dry humour and comment on his small touches to his outfits and listen to him sing with reverence and let him ramble about his passions for hours. it was beginning to get on his nerves that so few of the boys that renjun had gone out with seemed to have any interest in him beyond the shallowest.

a scruffily painted fingernail tapped at his desk and he looked up quickly, turning to face sihyeon with wide eyes. “do you want me to send you a copy of my notes?” she mumbled softly, careful to keep her voice down, there was a slight smirk on her lips but jeno chose to ignore it.

“yes, please.” he felt his ears heating up when he realised that she must have noticed how distracted he had been for the entire lecture. his eyes darted down to his hands before he met her laughing gaze. there was no malice to it, but jeno felt his ears redden even further. his fingers fumbled with the buttons of his flannel overshirt in time with his brain whirring for an appropriate response.

“i get it, don’t worry,” she smiled brightly, “boys flashing their abs is way more interesting than wave particle duality.” jeno spluttered slightly, growing slightly more flustered when he realised that telling the truth would just make him seem even more suspicious. he tried to cobble a sentence together but, when he failed abysmally, sihyeon waved him off with another teasing grin, turning back to the front of the hall and copying down the final slide of the presentation in a fast scrawl before the lecturer could remove it from the screen entirely. 

he focused his attention back on his phone and swiped left again, his tongue darting out to rest slightly on his lip as he concentrated. there was something so hopelessly saccharine about tinder; all these people posting similar pictures of themselves in a desperate bid to conform. nobody actually seemed to have any individuality, as if they felt that who they actually were wasn’t good enough for the internet. jeno plucked at a fraying thread on his shirt; society was truly a menace.

he was pulled away from his scrutiny when the lecturer clapped his hands twice, dismissing them from the session. he hadn’t even taken anything out of his bag, having been too focused on the app to pay attention - he sighed heavily when he realised that he would have to catch up on understanding the whole concept of the lecture later. he slung his rucksack over his shoulder, ignoring the cocky grin that sihyeon tossed in his direction; he raised a finger to his forehead in a mock salute, “don’t forget to send me the notes!”

she laughed slightly, already ducking out of the door, “i won’t, lover boy.” jeno stared blankly after her, his mouth slightly parted as he struggled to process the words. by the time he remembered how to move like a functioning human being, she was long gone. his phone buzzed in his hand, demanding his focus. there were two notifications in quick succession: the first was from tinder, helpfully proclaiming that he had a match, and the second was from jaemin, asking him to meet him at the fountain so that they could coordinate a response. 

the hallway around him was practically empty, thursday morning lectures tended to be quiet and he didn’t suppose that there were very many on. he pushed his way out of the building and screwed his eyes up against the sunlight which bit at him the moment he set foot on the concrete. the weather had been abysmal all morning, evidenced in the small pools of water that had formed in the cracks and the loud gushing that he could hear in the guttering behind him, the downpipes announcing their discontent in torrents. the sun may have been out, but the air was still frigid – jeno’s thin windbreaker was completely impractical for the conditions. the physics lectures all took place in a single storey building on the outskirts of the university grounds, the fountain was directly in the centre. it was going to take him a fair while to reach jaemin. 

he twisted his arm round awkwardly to reach the thermos flask that was stowed in the side pocket of his rucksack. all of his friends teased him for the habit, but jeno had always hated the instant coffee that the university sold. he was much more placated by his gentle home brew, with the right amount of milk and sugar that it wasn’t too bitter or sweet, than the harsh bite of the boiling cups of imitation caffeine he could get elsewhere.

water splashed across his feet with every step and jeno tried to ignore the fact that it was seeping into the canvas of his shoes. his phone vibrated in his back pocket and he cradled his coffee against his chest as he fumbled to read the message. his eyes widened slightly when he realised that it was from the boy who had matched with renjun. he picked up his pace slightly, walking a little too fast for it to be comfortable and made his way past the labs to get to the fountain. he slipped his phone away before he could actually read the message, far more preoccupied with reaching jaemin so that they could respond at a decent time. 

he rounded the corner to the main pavilion and jogged over to where jaemin was perched on the edge of the fountain, plonking himself down beside him and taking an obnoxious slurp of his coffee, “took you long enough,” the younger boy mumbled, his gaze trained on his phone.

“well, excuse me for not realising that my lecture was taking place somewhere that was inconvenient to you.” the younger boy pulled a face at his tone and watched as he shrugged the rucksack of his shoulders, dropping it at his feet, before peering over jaemin’s shoulder to see the screen, “what’s he said?”

“he’s asking if renjun’s a catfish,” jaemin turned his head towards jeno, balking when he realised how close they were to one another and switching back to his original position just as quickly, “i mean he’s not but we aren’t him so i don’t really know what to say.” his tone went slightly higher at the end of the sentence as if it was a question.  
jeno hummed softly, “we should probably tell him that we aren’t renjun. otherwise if we do decide he’s good enough for a date, he’ll probably realise that renjun isn’t the same person who he’s been messaging.” 

the younger boy made a small noise of affirmation, “so what? something like: hi, we’re renjun’s friends because he doesn’t like tinder but he is genuinely looking for a partner and we can set you up?” the words seemed to rush from his lips. jeno nodded, taking another sip of his coffee, and relishing in the way that it coated his tastebuds. as if it could completely overtake him if he would allow it too. 

“yeah, sounds good.” he cut off his sentence slightly when jaemin pulled up the profile for the boy who had sent the message. they exchanged bewildered glances, “holy shit,” jeno mumbled, staring at the main picture on the screen. the boy was clearly tall, his features were classically handsome and he had blue hair swept up and away from his face. his skin was tan and the bright grin made all of his features seem slightly enhanced. his eyes fell on the name printed at the bottom of the screen: ‘lucas’.

“holy shit is right, what the hell? there’s no fucking way he’s real.”

~

renjun tugged his phone out of his pocket, it had been vibrating incessantly at him for the vast proportion of his lab but he hadn’t been able to check it; the beakers of acid he had to carry back and forth between different benches seemed far more deserving of his attention. 

the home screen was flooded with notifications from tinder, the small red icon appearing over and over as he scrolled through them. he hesitated, his finger hovering awkwardly over one of the messages as he tried to work up the courage to open it. 

“bye, renjun.” he looked up and smiled at yujin, raising a hand in acknowledgement as he passed her locker; she was stuffing her lab coat into the small shelf at the top, the soft smile that seemed permanently settled on her lips firmly in place as she did so.

he waited until he had rounded the corner to open the thread, his fingers skittering nervously across the screen as he did so. he drew out his walk down the stairwell, his feet lingering on every step as he took in the chat. it was a strange thing: reading both sides of a conversation from a completely blank point of view. the boy in question - lucas; renjun was immediately struck with how satisfying it was to roll over his name in his mind - seemed sweet enough. his messages were upbeat and friendly, but renjun didn’t exactly think that they seemed flirtatious.

he huffed a soft breath out, scrolling to the top of the chain with urgency; exasperated sighs falling from his lips every time that the loading symbol dared to interrupt his process with its seemingly pointless stupor. he leaned against the bannister when he finally reached the top, pausing on his walk so as to fully engage with what he was reading.  
he found something strangely comforting about the smell of grapefruit in the stairwell and the squeak of hands against the bannister. it had been such a permanent thing in his life: every school that he had been too had practically identical stairwells. he supposed that the familiarity it brought him was what made it feel so right. 

he shook the off tangent train of thought from his head and centred himself back on the screen. the profile picture of the other boy was strikingly handsome: his tan skin emphasised by the gentle swoop of his hair. the wide smile that stretched across his face made it look like he had been torn out of heaven. his eyes were warm and welcoming and renjun was suddenly struck by the fact that a person this attractive had chosen to match with him.  
and apparently it wasn’t by mistake. 

maybe letting jeno and jaemin make him a tinder hadn’t been the most terrible idea in the world after all. he mentally shook himself, twisting his pinky finger with his thumb as he read the very first message. catfish? lucas claimed to look like that and yet accused renjun of being a catfish? he scoffed under his breath, if that had been an attempt at flirting then it seemed to be a cheap shot. the pictures that the other two boys had chosen of him were good ones, that was obvious, but they certainly weren’t the type that someone would use to catfish. and why would anyone catfish as him? it wasn’t like he was that good looking anyway. 

as he got deeper into the messages, the thoughts ricocheting through his head grew louder. jaemin or jeno or whoever had been holding the conversation had really oversold him to the other boy. there was absolutely no way that if they went on a date he would be satisfied: 

“oh !! those pictures don’t even do renjun justice, he’s far prettier than any camera can capture.”

“he is a very talented artist, i’m sure he’d love to show you some of his work sometime. honestly, it really amazes me with what he can produce.”

“you wouldn’t even need to take him for dinner, he’d be happy to cook for you and everything that he makes is so delicious you’ll never want to eat out again in your life.”

“he’s so kind and caring. you seem a lil more outgoing but i really think that the two of you would set each other off nicely.”

and on and on it went, message upon message where jeno and jaemin praised renjun to the skies. it was almost overwhelming, he found himself biting at his fingernails as something akin to fear consumed him. the expectations were going to be too high. all of renjun’s habits seemed normal to his friends because they had known each other for so long, but they might not sit well with lucas. his humour tended to be snarky, and would completely eradicate any sense of kindness that had been painted. the fact that some of his artwork was private was standard to them, but what if he and lucas did meet up and the older boy expected him to show him them. and what if he made food that was utterly horrendous? it was sweet of the boys to boost him up in the way that they had, but despite their best intentions, it just made renjun feel terrified. like the first moment he had ridden his bike without stabilisers and felt as if the whole world would crumble around him. 

he ground the heels of his palms into his eyes. he wouldn’t cry over a fucking dating app in the chemistry lab staircase. when he finally felt level-headed again, he slipped his phone into his pocket, ignoring the notifications that were sounding from it.

jaemin and jeno were so sweet to him. they always had been, but it seemed particularly obvious to renjun at that point. the friendship that they had was closer and fonder than any relationship that renjun had ever been in, he supposed it was only natural that they would hold a view of him in rose tinted glasses. he knew that his own opinions on the two boys were probably wildly different to what others would think. he took another heavy breath, steadying himself as he pushed open the heavy wooden door that imposed itself upon the lab building. 

and if he kicked the bin on his way out, that was nobody’s business but his own.

~

jaemin slathered an extra layer of peanut butter onto his sandwich, the bread would already be too heavy for him to hold it comfortably, so he intended to make the most of the situation. he hopped up onto the work surface, wholly abandoning the butter knife that he had been using and kicked one leg over the other with a flourish, turning dramatically to face jeno. “so,” the younger boy started, tugging down the hem of his stone roses shirt as it rode up and threatened to expose his stomach, “opinion on lucas; go.”  
jeno blinked slowly as he registered the words, his hand coming up subconsciously to kick through his vaguely greasy hair. that had always been a habit of his; jeno’s hair seemed like the touch point to his soul. generally, it was the first place jaemin planted his hand when the other boy was upset. instead of answering the question that had actually been posed to him, the boy leaned backwards so that his weight was through his palms, “what do you need all that peanut butter in your sandwich for?” 

“protein,” the younger boy responded thickly, his mouth having been stuck together by the claggy sandwich. he ripped off another mouthful in protest, digging his elbow into jeno’s side and raising his eyebrow pointedly. “now answer the question.” 

jeno’s lower lip protruded slightly, “he’s so perfect that i almost wish i had matched with him instead of renjun.” the lighthearted tone of the statement was underpinned by something much heavier, a shadow of jeno’s breakup hanging over his words. before jaemin could butt in, the older boy continued, “he’s handsome and he seems sweet and funny. i don’t think he has the same sort of vibes as jun, but i think they’d balance each other out nicely."

jaemin hummed in agreement, kicking his heels against the cabinet doors below, “i guess we’ll never be completely sure if he’s the right person for jun. but i was wondering about setting up a date for the two of them, maybe we should just go for it?” a slight unease clouded in his throat like rose petals as he finished his sentence, his eyes flicking away from jeno’s quickly and settling instead on the bright red clock of the microwave. even though all of this had been his own idea, something still felt strangely off about it. the numbers on the microwave blurred into a clump of red, and his feet hit against the cabinets slightly more frantically. 

“you good, jae?” jeno leaned into his field of vision, replacing the bright lights with his muted tones. pale skin framed by bouncing black hair and the softest green sweater; it wasn’t the first time that jaemin found himself likening the older boy to a puppy. he reached out subconsciously to brush a stray strand of hair from where it was laying across the other’s forehead - a bold black streak against the otherwise unmarried skin. 

“yeah,” he murmured softly, shaking himself out of the haze that had consumed him, “i’m just wondering whether injun will even like lucas.” even though he tried to force the doubt out of his voice, he was positive that it had seeped between the cracks - pushing into his tone. there had been a few other matches, a boy named donghyuck and another named dejun, but jaemin had leaned towards lucas the whole time. it was only when they had made progress with the older boy that the negative ideas had started to penetrate the surface.

jeno jumped down from the cabinet, crossing the room in an over extended stride to pull open the fridge with a little too much force. “well, even if he doesn’t, we have other matches for him. it isn’t our decision at the end who renjun wants to be with.” there was something off about his tone, but jaemin couldn’t quite tell what it was over the buzzing of the fridge. the older boy pulled out a yoghurt pot and leaned against the cool metal door to eat it; jostling the owl fridge magnet that jaemin had brought back from turkey as he did so. 

the room was silent for a moment, the two boys both staring into the middle distance as countless thoughts ticked over in their heads. jaemin felt like the silence was pushing down on him, judging him for his decisions and threatening his sense of security in his own choices. he tried to focus on the room around him - the cracked tiles calming his mind. jeno’s apartment had been one of his favourite places from the moment that he first set foot in it: squishy beanbags had replaced couches long ago, the dining table was crammed into the doorway between the kitchen and the living room so you had to climb over it to get anywhere and the toilet door had been broken for the whole time that jeno had lived in the space. it was the normalisation of the smallest things that made jaemin feel like he was at home.

just as the younger boy was about to speak, renjun barged his way into the room. they all had keys to one another’s apartments, so it really wasn’t a surprising visit, but jaemin hadn’t registered the noise of the key in the lock at all. “you will never guess what i just did,” he slung his bag onto the floor and heaved himself up onto the work surface beside jaemin. his eyes gleamed with light and the smile that stretched over his lips seemed as if it could tear his face in two. 

jeno laughed brightly, bringing his hand up to ruffle his hair, “go on then.” the yoghurt pot in his hand was emblazoned with a cartoon cow, a perfectly childish emblem that seemed to fit into the university lifestyle that jaemin was inhabiting.

“you know that boy who you messaged for me on tinder?” he didn’t wait for their nods of approval before barrelling into the rest of his story, “well i, like, messaged him myself because it felt like the right thing to do and he asked me on a date with him.” his cheeks were dusted with pink and the way that his shoulders were pushed up to his ears reeked of excitement. 

jaemin found himself laughing uncontrollably, “oh my god, junnie, get it! did you say yes? please tell me you said yes or i might actually scream.” the smile on his face was almost painful as he watched the eldest boy nod his head over enthusiastically, a small squeak of confirmation dropping from his lips. “that’s so fucking amazing! i told you that you could absolutely get any boy you wanted to.” 

the way that renjun bit his lip shyly as he met the younger boy’s eyes had his heart melting, “he’s just so, so handsome and funny and he’s going to take me for boba on saturday morning. i don’t even care that he’s out of my league.” he pressed his palms to his flaming cheeks, screwing his nose up at jaemin’s vehement denial of his statement. the noise level in the room grew as the two of them squealed about the prospect; of course renjun would manage to net a boy who had cute date ideas.

“i don’t think you should go on it.” jeno’s quiet voice seemed to echo in the room, completely overhauling the soft giggles and positive energy that were radiating from his two best friends. his fingers seemed to be shaking slightly against the yoghurt pot and his face was scrunched up in an awkward expression.

“excuse me?” renjun’s voice was incredulous, he slid down from where he was sat and crossed the room so that he was stood directly in front of jeno. jaemin watched in shock as the two stared one another down, still processing how quickly the situation had escalated. 

“you heard me.”

“what the fuck, jeno?” even though the eldest boy retained a strong stance, jaemin could hear the slight wobble in his voice as he spoke.

“i just don’t think he’s right for you.” the youngest boy couldn’t help the confused noise that he made, only moments ago jeno had practically been waxing lyrical about lucas, he couldn’t understand why that had changed so suddenly. the silence that followed the statement was venomous, shrouded with anger, a stark contrast to the psychedelic music that usually coincided with the three of them in one location.

“look,” renjun shoved his finger against jeno’s chest, “i don’t know what hell you think this is but you don’t control my life. i let you help me with my dating life but you don’t get to talk shit about a person who none of us have even met and you don’t get to make this decision for me.” 

“exactly! you haven’t even met him! why are you defending him?”

“and apparently you don’t want me to, you asshole!”

jaemin’s felt his resolve crumbling as he watched the two of them, the tears that were brimming in his eyes felt unworthy. he had no right to be upset, but there was something so horrifying about watching the two people whom he loved the most in the world fight.

the poison that jeno’s tone was dipped in felt foreign, “you wanted help with getting a boyfriend, and i’ve given you my opinion. now get out of my house.” 

~

jaemin watched in silence as jeno spread his hands against the cheap linoleum of the work surface, the material squeaking slightly beneath his skin as he did so. he leaned forwards to drop his head against the surface, his shoulders hunched up into his neck as if a puppet master was tugging relentlessly at his strings. the older boy growled low in his throat, his hands balling into fists as his breath came in low grunts. the uneasiness that pooled in jaemin’s chest felt tight - stretching across his muscles as if it was going to tear him apart. he swallowed the lump in his throat and gently tapped his nails against his cup, trying to catch jeno’s attention without outwardly pestering him. he found himself tracing each finger over the curve of the glass relishing in the way that the cool surface warmed beneath his fingers until they tingled slightly. 

jeno’s fingers slowly unwound from his palms, settling haphazardly across the edge of the work surface. it was almost as if he had lost control over his actions; his fingers were splayed apart like starfish - as if they were trying to scoop as much water as possible to pull him to shore. another heavy sigh seemed to echo in the room before he pushed up on his hands to look over at jaemin. “i have no idea where the hell all of that came from.” his voice was still rough, traces of the anger that had tainted it bursting through. jaemin tried not to bristle at the tone, instead focusing on the hollow and glazed appearance of jeno’s eyes as he stood. lost.

the younger boy tried to keep his voice soft, his nails tapping against the glass again as he tried to centre himself on anything other than jeno. the older boy looked so pained that it hurt jaemin, but he couldn’t bring himself to forget the fractured expression on renjun’s face as he had stormed out of the house. “really? i’m not saying that you’re lying but no idea seems a little suspicious considering how full frontal you were about it.” 

the room felt uncomfortable. as if someone had filled it with polyester that would rustle and squeak with every individual movement; jaemin felt that if he breathed too loudly it would disturb the peace. as if he had to be careful so as not to breach the perfect storm that had settled in the air. 

jeno dropped his head back down, his forehead resting against the surface as his hair trailed down behind it. jaemin thought that it must have been at least a little ticklish, but the older boy didn’t so much as stir. “yeah, maybe i do,” he laughed bitterly, his voice seeming to stick in his throat, “i just don’t think it’s the best idea for me to admit it.”  
it was strange to see jeno in such a uniquely vulnerable state. jaemin was used to dealing with the older boy when he was upset or self-deprecating or angry but he had never seen him in such a self-loathsome attitude. all the aspects of jeno that he knew and adored seemed to have been picked at like scabs to reveal a broken shell underneath. jaemin settled the glass down beside him and moved so that he was slightly closer to the boy. “you don’t have to,” he began slowly, mulling over the words before he let them out, “but i would really, really appreciate it if you did.”

there was a small huff of laughter, but jaemin knew that it was forced owing to the way that jeno’s feet were tapping against the floorboards as if they were his lifeline. he shook himself slightly, seeming to build up to what he was trying to say. the way that he curled his body even closer in on itself almost had jaemin retracting his statement, but eventually the older boy forced the answer out into the open. “i think i have a crush on renjun.” the sentence was coated in agony, it flooded every fibre of the room and when jaemin looked over, jeno was crying. he tried to hold back the laughter that bubbled up inside of him, but it was too late - already the joyous sound was resonating through the room. practically identical to the way that his nails had wrung out against the glass.

“jesus, jae, what are you laughing at? it isn’t funny.” jeno had his cheek pressed against the counter now, his face turned towards the younger boy as salty trails dripped off of his noise. “what?” he demanded more forcefully when the younger boy continued to giggle, the wide smile that covered his face hidden behind his hand.  
“of course you have a crush on renjun.” he practically scoffed the words, “who doesn’t? i sure as fuck do.” jeno wasn’t sure what it was about the flippant way that jaemin spoke, but he found himself laughing too. a raucous noise that penetrated the stillness that had hung in the air for what felt like aeons. his was more restrained, a small flutter of laughter that soon gave way to something entirely more confusing. 

“dude, what?”

jaemin’s laughter died down slightly, his chest rising and falling dramatically as he met jeno’s eyes - the smile on his lips falling at the seriousness that was splashed like paint on a canvas across the older boy’s expression. “look, renjun is sweet and pretty and funny and i’ve always had a teeny crush on him because i really vibe with him. it’s not like it was ever going to amount to anything.” he bit his lip softly, tugging at the soft skin as he stared into jeno’s eyes. there was something so comforting about them, jaemin bit his lip slightly, “you were really mean to him today. i know it’s hard, but we’re just his friends, jen.” 

jeno nodded softly, practically whispering his next words as if he didn’t want them to be true, “and a relationship would only fuck that up.” it was as if saying it made it true only at that very second. jaemin felt as if his head was pounding; he’d kept his feelings inside for so long and announcing them in front of jeno really felt like a step backwards more than anything. “i really need to apologise to him.”

~

renjun tugged at the sleeves of his sweatshirt, the pale blue cuffs slightly worn through in places because of how often he had tugged it out of his wardrobe. the material was soft against his palms in a way that felt comforting and entirely familiar. he smoothed out the fabric of his shirt collar, letting his toes tap against the table leg as he did so. the shop that lucas had told him to meet him at was gorgeous; white walls splashed through with loud colours and bowie blaring from the speakers. the small wooden table that renjun was perched at was adorned with a drop of orange paint, a eucalyptus candle and several random scrabble tiles. it felt like a homely place. somewhere that was universally loved. 

and yet renjun couldn’t fully appreciate the atmosphere because he felt like his heart was going to beat out of his chest. he knew that, in theory, this was perfect. lucas had been approved by his friends in advance; even if jeno had thrown a fit about it, but he was trying not to dwell on that too much. there was just something about the whole scenario that made him feel like he was standing on a cliff edge. he twisted the chain dangling from his neck between his fingers, smoothing the links with the pads. the date was going to be fine.

before he could tumble any deeper into his thoughts, the chair opposite him squealed noisily and a tall boy with a beaming smile plopped into it. renjun blinked slightly before smiling back, “lucas?”

“that’s me. you must be renjun?” he didn’t wait for the small noise of conformation before he continued on his spiel, “you’re even prettier than your photos.” lucas spoke as if he was stating facts, he didn’t seem to sugar coat his words, only expressed them in a genuine way. renjun felt the blood rush into his cheeks. maybe this would work out after all.

“you work quickly,” he laughed gently, “you’re very handsome too. i won’t lie that i was slightly in shock that you accused me of being a catfish when you look like that.” lucas looked even prettier when he laughed, renjun was struck with how similar he looked to jaemin: scrunched nose, head tipped back and hands braced on his thighs. 

“well, it’s not often that tinder pulls up boys as beautiful as you.” it was at that highly opportune moment that the waitress decided to bundle in; her bright smile matching the aesthetic of the boba shop. she had small pink butterfly clips lining her fringe and renjun thought that they looked lovely, he told her as much and welcomed the warm smile that he received in return.

when he spun back around in his seat, lucas was looking at him with a vaguely confused expression. “what?” renjun immediately brought his hands up to his cheeks, “is there something on my face?”

“no, no, nothing like that. just, do you always compliment people like that?” he drummed his fingers on the table, fiddling with the scrabble tiles.

“yeah, it’s just a habit. my friend, jaemin, i think you probably spoke to him?” lucas nodded quickly, “well he always likes to give people little compliments. he says it could make someone’s day infinitely better. so somewhere along the line me and jeno started doing it as well. i dunno, it just feels right? her butterfly clips were cute and so she deserved to know that. you look pretty when you smile and you deserve to know that too.” he looked up from where he had fixed his gaze on the wax dripping down the side of the candle and was met with a wide grin from lucas. he tried not to dwell on his words for too long; unsure as to how he was coming across and instead channelled his attention onto lucas.

“that’s absolutely adorable. you’re such a cutie,” he paused for a split second, “you’re quite something huang renjun.” the younger boy flushed even more deeply, trying futilely to hide it behind the sleeves of his sweatshirt. the waitress came over and dropped off their drinks, so he busied himself with sucking up the strawberry flavoured liquid and trying to calm himself down. 

“how come you got your friends to run your tinder?” lucas asked, pulling away from his own straw for a brief second, “it’s not a bad thing, i’m really just curious.” he seemed to genuinely be wondering, renjun felt slightly bad that he hadn’t asked the older boy about himself yet, but it was hard to interrupt the flow of questions that were coming his way.

“it was kinda just an alcohol fuelled thing. i’m not the best at picking dates and i don’t come across great in messages so we kinda just figured that it would work just as well if they did it. i mean, i didn’t realise that it was a serious conversation, but apparently they did.” the corner of lucas’ lip pulled up at that statement and he tilted his head slightly. “they know me better than anyone else and always seem to have things to rave about rather than things that they dislike so, yeah.” he trailed off slightly, realising that there was very little left to say. it really had all just been a whole load of shenanigans, the other two had taken it incredibly seriously, but that was just in their nature.  
well. jeno especially had taken it very seriously. 

renjun shook the thought away before it could seep into his mind any further. all his unresolved shit with jeno could wait. he had a pretty boy sat right in front of him with what seemed to be a wide-open heart and he would be the biggest idiot of them all if he just walked away from an opportunity like that.

“well, i’m glad that i finally get to talk to you,” lucas chewed on one of the white tapioca pearls that lined the bottom of his cup, “without any overprotective mediators involved.” he threw a small wink towards renjun and the younger boy tried to pretend that his stomach didn’t twist into unforgiving knots at the action. 

“enough about me,” renjun announced, taking another delicate sip of his bubble tea, “what the hell is a person as attractive and well-mannered as you doing single? i bet all the mothers love you.” he pulled out the word love, dragging it so that it seemed almost mocking but ensuring that it wasn’t bitter. he knew that bitter wasn’t a good first date look.

“mothers adore me,” he was very matter of fact, smirking slightly as renjun raised his eyebrow, “probably because i am a delight in general. to be honest, i’m probably better at picking up the affection of the mums than i am at getting it from boys. it’s one of the saddest aspects of my life.” he gripped his heart as if in phantom pain, letting an over dramatic expression mould his face as he leaned ever so slightly closer to renjun.

“is that so?” renjun wet his lips with his tongue quickly, staring up at the older boy through lowered eyelashes.

“yes, yes it is.”

“i might just have to do something about that then, mm?” he could practically hear the blood rushing through his body, the signals in his brain whirring frantically as they tried to shut him down. he was never bold. his trademark was brutally honest, but only when provoked. he was pulled out of his train of thought by a short burst of laughter from across the table. 

“i bet you say that to all the boys,” lucas reached over and tapped renjun’s nose quickly. a soft, unanticipated touch that set the younger boy fumbling over his words. “sorry, you just seemed boopable for a hot second there.”

“god, you sound like jeno.” was all that he could think up when the breath finally returned to his body. his hands trembled slightly on his thighs as the flush died down on his cheeks and he finally made eye contact with the older boy again. “i guess you spoke to him as well. but that’s exactly something that he would do.” he tried not to dwell on how his heart raced with the words; putting it down to the fact that he had just been booped by one of the hottest men he had ever had the pleasure of seeing.

three hours and three drinks later, renjun found himself bundled up against the cold outside of the bubble tea shop. the mint green door had the sign flipped to closed and the two of them were in an awkward moment where they weren’t entirely sure how to part. 

renjun looked up at lucas, “so, where do you wanna go next time?” the older boy’s nose was already pink from the bitter sting of the wind and his eyes seemed to soften as he stared at renjun. 

“i don’t think that’s a great idea.” renjun practically choked on the cool air that he inhaled, thumping on his chest twice in a familiar rhythm to clear the feeling away. his brain could barely keep up with the thoughts that cut through him like a whirlwind. he tried to force out a response, but all that came out were fractured moments that seemed torn from his being. he looked up at lucas, helplessness seeming to fill every crevice of his being. “hey, hey, renjun, calm down. i mean i don’t think it’s the best idea for us to try and date when you’re clearly in love with someone else.”

renjun furrowed his brow, emotions coursing through him as he tried to pull himself up from the pit that he had reached and found himself bewildered, “what?”  
“jeno and jaemin,” the softness in lucas’ eyes seemed akin to pity as renjun floundered before him, “you talked about them the whole time. and not even in a bad way,” he hurried to add on, clearly sensing the tension that was set across renjun’s shoulders, “you just mention them at small things. things that remind you of them. it’s really damn cute.” renjun opened and closed his mouth a few times like a goldfish. yes he had mentioned jaemin when he had seen the owl alarm clock on the shelves above them and jeno when lucas got his arm stuck in his overshirt and jeno again when a little boy came up to them to give them a rubix cube but that was just. just how they were.

“think about it, okay? text me, though, we’ll be bomb ass friends.”

~

renjun’s foot rocked back and forwards in the floor so quickly that it looked as if it was vibrating, his blue striped socks were already worn through and so his toes kept scraping against the cold tiles. he cringed slightly when his skin touched the coarse grout between the tiles, stilling his foot and resorting to twisting his fingers between one another with increasing anxiousness. he hadn’t felt anything quite like this ever before; an indescribable emotion pooled in his gut like a chain, shackling him to the chair. 

he didn’t think he’d ever been this nervous to talk to another person in his life. let alone the two people who had always felt permanent. but the message had been sent from his phone and so it was all his responsibility now. it felt strange to have to text jaemin and jeno to arrange a time to meet up; usually they just slid in and out of one another’s schedules. a perfectly timed dance that had been standard for what felt like eternity.

renjun felt as if he had been sucker-punched when the realisation dawned on him. that the way his heart clenched when jeno had broken up with his boyfriend hadn’t been anger but hope. and that the feeling in his chest when jaemin dusted blusher across renjun’s cheekbones hadn’t been to do with the brush. as he had sat there, slowly processing lucas’ words it had all flooded back to him. memory after memory rolling on and on as robert smith soundtracked his moment.

and now he was going to tell them.

it had been a week since renjun and jeno had argued, three days since renjun had gone on the date with lucas anyway and two hours since renjun had realised that he was in love with both of his best friends.

the boy turned round almost instantaneously as the door to his apartment squealed on its hinges. jaemin peered around the door, his eyes wide and unsure. when his eyes met renjun’s, the older boy felt like his heart was going to thunder beyond his chest. “hi,” he managed to force out, quiet latching onto the perfectly still quiet that hung in the air. 

jaemin let out a heavy breath: whether of relief or upset, renjun couldn’t tell. “hey, injun.” he sounded tired. the usual light tone that underpinned his sentences lost to a weighted sound. he dropped onto the couch beside renjun, a phantom smile curving up at the corners of his lips. it took everything for renjun not to let himself shatter right at that moment, seven days was a long time to be without the most important people in your life. 

before renjun could tackle jaemin into the greatest hug of all time, the door whined again. time slowed when jeno walked in; his head was hung low and dark strands of hair fell into his eyes. he kicked the toes of his converse against the floorboards, tucking his hands deep into his pockets as he walked into the room. it felt so wrong to see jeno look so out of place in renjun’s flat. renjun folded his bottom lip over his teeth and let them scrape over it lightly, the two of them pointedly ignoring one another’s fleeting glances.  
jaemin shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

it was jeno who broke the silence that had draped itself over every fibre of their beings. “i’m sorry.” his voice was raw, rough and unsteady as he forced his chin upwards to meet the older boy’s eyes. they were haunted with discomfort; a melancholy look settled deep within them. renjun wasn’t sure that he had ever seen jeno in a state like that.  
something clenched uncomfortably in renjun’s gut. his mind tugged at him from both directions, tension spreading throughout his core until it burned at his bones. his fingernails dug crescents into his palms; “you hurt me.” he tugged at the moon necklace dangling from his throat, unable to shift his gaze away from the hollowness of jeno’s own.  
“i know,” it was quiet, a painful quiet that seemed to scratch at renjun’s skin and leave shining lines, “i don’t even know what to say, jun, i was so stupid.” he glanced over at jaemin, swallowing bitterly, his voice dropped to an even lower level, “please.”

the older boy nodded - even in his own mind it felt stilted, a sorry refraction of how they used to be. jeno crossed the room at the motion, awkwardly lowering himself into a crossed leg position on the floor. usually he would be strewn across it, limbs akimbo and his back pressed against furniture that he would whine about digging into his skin later. it had only been seven days and yet it seemed like years had passed. spilling into the ether as renjun watched them slip out of his fingertips.

“so,” jaemin whistled lowly under his breath, “what did you want to talk to the both of us about. i mean, aside from the obvious?” he pulled at the rips in his jeans, clearly just as awkward in the room as the other two of them but hiding it slightly better.

renjun sucked a breath in through his teeth, tearing his eyes away from jeno to focus on the youngest boy. “yeah,” jeno mumbled, dragging a lazy hand through the greasy strands of his hair, “what’s going on? some of us have homework to do.”

it sounded bitter. in normal circumstances, renjun would probably have giggled. a small joke, not one of jeno’s best, but something that was so typically him. the discomfort in his tone just made it sound angry. the oldest boy took another steadying breath.

“i thought that we should talk about us.” he fixed his eyes on a worn polaroid of the three of them from a few years ago at halloween. in doing so, he saw his own reflection in the tall mirror that didn’t quite fit into his cramped bedroom and had since been relegated to the living room forever. he almost seemed to have curled into himself, his shoulders rounded and feet tucked under one another. he tried to sit a little prouder as he continued, “all three of us.”

“us?” jeno was sat up on his haunches. “what about us?”

“despite your little temper tantrum with me, i went on that date with lucas,” he knew that it was a childish dig, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. it would only be a shrapnel of the hurt that jeno had made him feel, “and he was absolutely lovely, by the way. we had a wonderful time. but at the end, he said something to me that’s really had me thinking.”

he ignored the pointed looks that jeno and jaemin shared, he wasn’t quite sure what their expressions were, but he supposed that he probably didn’t want to know. it wasn’t as if jaemin had leaped to defend him during the argument. 

“look. what the three of us do,” he couldn’t get the words to fit together properly. it was like he had been given a jigsaw, but all of the pieces were the same colour. “is that- it’s not the same as how we are with our other friends?” his voice tipped up at the end slightly, making it sound more like he was asking a question than stating a fact.

jaemin furrowed his brow slightly, “that’s because we’re best friends.” he was now sat on his hands, obviously having caught himself in the previous motions, “and since when did you care what other people do?” his tone was slightly accusatory, a long shot from the bubbly sound that usually flooded renjun’s ears.

“i didn’t!” he hurried to respond, “i don’t. i just. i wondered if maybe you both felt the same as me.” he felt the tears pooling in his eyes as he struggled for the words and then gave up. 

“what do you mean?” jeno was staring at renjun, concern etched across his features, he garnered no response, “jun, you have to help us out here.”

the oldest boy dug the heels of his palms into his eyes, growing frustrated with their impatience, “i’m in love with you!” it burst from him, like a stone being dropped into a pond. the initial impact was low, but the ripples spread out, growing and growing until they reached the two other boys in the room. “i’m in love with you.” quieter this time.

jaemin leaned forwards from where he was sat, the couch squealing in protest as his weight shifted, “jun, who are you talking about?” he didn’t sound disgusted, only confused. the tears started to flow more readily down renjun’s cheeks.

“both of you.”

jeno’s eyes were blown wide as he stared over at the two of them, at jaemin’s hand rubbing slow circles across renjun’s spine. “both of us?” he repeated it almost reverentially, his words slow until he looked back over towards them. “why are you crying now?”

the oldest boy peered up at him through lowered eyelashes, “because you probably hate me now. if you didn’t already hate me for ignoring you.” as he said it, the words felt untrue. the necklace on his throat caught the light, the small moon dispersing rainbows across the wooden coffee table. it felt symbolic, the joy finally bursting through from the nighttime. 

jeno crawled round the table and settled himself at renjun’s feet, forcing the older boy to meet his stare. “i could never hate you.” he cradled the boy’s hands in his own, stroking over the bitter marks where his nails had been digging into the skin, “i love you too.”

he squeezed his hands a little tighter, watching cautiously to try and gauge the reaction from the older. renjun simply blinked at him, seeming as if he had been caught directly in the headlights and that they were now holding him captive. a single tear rolled down his cheek, a picture-perfect moment dipped in glitter, before a wide grin overtook his features. “really?”

jeno nodded slowly, “really, definitely, always. and i do believe that i know someone else who feels that way too.” he winked slightly and screwed up his nose, tilting his head to suggest that renjun should do so as well.

renjun rolled his cheek over in his palm so that he was looking up at jaemin. “hey.”

“hi.” jaemin looked as if he was going to bolt, shifting uneasily in his seat in silence until the words were rushed out of him in a blurt, “it would be a fucking privilege to swipe right on you.” renjun shoved him slightly, laughing his head off as jeno yelped indignantly.

“that is not how you confess.”

renjun sat back on his heels, his laughter fading slightly as he looked between the two other boys in the room, “i really didn’t think that this would turn out like this.” there was content in his voice, joy written across his features as the realisation sank into him.

“well,” jaemin was leaning back into the couch cushions, “just think how scared i was because of how ominous your message was.”

jeno hummed in agreement, “i thought i was getting bollocked, not getting boyfriends.”

the oldest giggled again, “i’m sorry, boyfriends, please forgive me.” his tone was light and mocking, but the softness in his eyes gave him away.

jeno dropped his head onto the older boy’s knee, “consider yourself forgiven, boyfriend.”

“now, boyfriends,” jaemin cringed at how the sentence sounded from his own mouth, “i really think i deserve at least a hug, if not a kiss, considering the fact i’ve been pining for years.”


End file.
